thewordsofclayton:

sirtarantino:

a guy walked into the board room and said

"hi sweetheart if you could fix me up a coffee real quick im meeting with the regional reports manager in like five minutes, thanks darling"

and i just stared at him and coldly said

"i am the regional reports manager"

we are now twenty minutes into this board meeting and i dont think i’ve ever seen a man look so embarrassed and afraid in my whole life

Good

(Source: sofiajonze)

crocobaby:

Do you think every president goes through a awkward first few weeks in office when they’re not sure when’s the right time to ask if aliens are real or not?

(Source: star-loser)

writing “sorry” at the bottom of your math test

“People miss you more when they see how much happier you are without them."

curvellas:

tumblr made me a much more tolerant and less judgmental person like my cousin be like “omg look at that bitch eyebrows she drew them damn near in her hairline” and i’m like shrug maybe the bitch wanted to have eyebrows in her hairline you don’t know shit about her life.

officialbreakfast:

you know those disgusting aggravating boys that you just wanna

image

toxicwinner:

how many times have i seen the prettiest girls w the ugliest guys and I’m staring at him wondering if it’s the way the light is hitting his face or smth and she’s looking at me like stay away from my man…listen im just trying to solve a puzzle you beautiful idiot

cokeflow:

“I’m on my way!” I say as I remain naked in bed

(Source: fingerblaster113)